This week has been a roller coaster of finding and losing motivation and being honest both with myself and my boyfriend. There are two lessons I learned this week that I wanted to share.
Motivation is hard to find
I know that a week is not a long time. It took me much longer to accumulate this debt, why would it take me shorter to get out of it? But still, this week I struggled a lot with motivation. One of the reasons was my work. I run my own freelance writing business, which I started 1.5 years ago. Given the fact that I had no writing education or experience, I’m doing pretty well. But in the light of my debt, I’m struggling to celebrate my victories because my income is not enough to pay back all my debt and live a comfortable life.
There is a constant feeling of not being good enough that hands over me. Not getting good enough clients, not getting paid enough per article, not doing anything to promote my self. All of those things wipe out any achievements at the end of the day.
Being a lone wolf is not glamorous
I’m also a loner, meaning I don’t share the hard stuff with people around me. Not my boyfriend, not my best friend, and especially not my mom. I don’t want to bother them but at the end of the day, I only make it worse for myself, because I hurt them by not sharing the difficult aspects of my life.
Also, when I’m alone with my problems I feel like I have a much better handle on them, which cannot be further away from the truth. Always share with the people you love. Don’t keep it inside you, thinking that you can handle it. I learned it the hard way this week.
My boyfriend was somewhat aware of my financial and professional situation but I kept so many small details from him because I was ashamed to share what I viewed as my shortcomings, that in the end it all kind of exploded. It was not a proud moment for me but the way he listened and supported me, without any judgment actually wiped away some of that shame I was carrying around.
So, if you are trying to deal with your problems alone – don’t. Tell someone who loves you. They will be there to help.
Until next time